EXT. PIZZA SHOP - NIGHT
Someone is shooting a film outside Apollo's Pizza. Half
a dozen people run around making difficult decisions.
The other half stand in close circles and smoke.
20 feet from the camera, Cecily rehearses in a big coat
with WADE (20's) bearded and ineffectual. They run
lines.
Lawrence 20 feet from the camera in the other direction,
twists a sound cord around a boom pole.
Lawrence sneaks glances at Cecily. She now talks to a
terribly dorky and overweight man, RICHARD (30's).
She quickly stamps out her cigarette, takes off her
jacket and moves in front of the camera.
Lawrence walks to the camera too, holding his pole. He
watches Richard and Cecily interact.
RICHARD
So it's mostly just you trying to stop
him from coming in. Like he fucked up
and you want to yell at him.
CECILY
So should it be really angry. Or more
diplomatic.
RICHARD
Try it really angry. Angry is sexy. I
like that.
Lawrence plugs in the microphone and faces it at the
actors. One of whom is his girlfriend.
LAWRENCE (V.O.)
I am made out of a few things. Water,
carbon and insecurity. I don't think I
can change my molecular makeup.
RICHARD
And action.
LAWRENCE (V.O.)
Especially when I don't even know what
I'm supposed to be insecure about.
Cecily and Wade perform the scene. Wade walks up to
Cecily and she yells at him. He makes a lude comment,
the director yells.
RICHARD
Cut!
This happens over and over. Lawrence watches. Lawrence
follows along.
LAWRENCE (V.O.)
When she first auditioned for the role I
was upset. I wasn't excited for her. I
went with her and sat outside while she
went in and read.
INT. HOTEL HALLWAY - DAY
Lawrence sits out the closed door of a conference room.
He reads the Sides stacked on a chair beside him.
He tries to follow along with what's being performed on
the other side of the door. But he can't read fast
enough, and he can't really hear it anyway.
LAWRENCE (V.O.)
I was upset because of the overall
shittiness of the material. It didn't
move me. I could go on, but mostly it
was just a bad script.
EXT. PARKING LOT - DAY
Lawrence walks back to the car, with a shity look on his
face. Gets in. Opens his laptop.
LAWRENCE (V.O.)
I was going to write something better,
right then and there. Something with
real human worth. Something where the
women character's were not just men with
breasts that took the kind of verbal
abuse that a real woman never would.
But...
Cecily walks out of the Hotel doors. Lights a cigarette.
Smiles.
LAWRENCE (V.O.) (CONT'D)
But I didn't have time.
INT. APAREMENT - NIGHT
Lawrence types.
LAWRENCE (V.O.)
But what was I really reacting to? I
mean, was I really going to change the
way I wrote to not include lewd behavior,
or sexually explicit material or
activities? It's like some paternal
instinct kicked in and affected my taste
in art. Like I was raising a child and
wanted to protect her against everything
that was ugly and evil and out to destroy
her. And the crazy thing is, it did
affect the way I watched and wrote and
thought about movies after that.
INT. CECILY'S MOM'S HOUSE - DAY
Lawrence and SARAH (40's) stand in the kitchen. Cecily
is outside, on the phone.
LAWRENCE (V.O.)
So when she got the part. I wanted to
feel happy for her.
LAWRENCE (CONT'D)
(to Sarah)
I really need to start acting more
excited about her getting this role. I
just can't seem to make myself get
excited.
Sarah doesn't know what to say to that.
SARAH
Why?
LAWRENCE
I just don't like the script. There's
never any respectable roles for women.
They're all sex objects to some
undersexed writer. They have no depth.
They're ornamental.
Cecily walks in.
CECILY
(grinning)
I got it!
LAWRENCE (V.O.)
I was never sure what it was. I could
have my opinions about the script. Did I
really care what the movie was?
She did it. She's done something that
we'd only talked about in theory a year
ago. Something she'd only dreamed of
happening when she was busy putting it
off all those years. Who gives a shit
what it was, right?
Lawrence hugs her. Trying his best to put on a happy
face.
INT. APARMENT - NIGHT
Lawrence sits awake. It's late and he's smoking and
writing. In the other room, she sleeps.
LAWRENCE (V.O.)
And I am supposedly the catalyst for this
career change. I'm the one who believed
in her before I ever really knew her.
(pause)
I'm sure what I think means a shit load.
But this is just the first role. I've
never dated an actress before. There's
bigger insecurities ahead.
(pause)
She's going to be in stuff where she's
going to kiss other people. She's going
to have to make decisions about using her
sexuality to sell movie tickets.
Lawrence stops writing. Turns on the TV and puts in
"Chaplin" starring Robert Downey Jr.
The TV flickers and goes out. Lawrence turns on the
light. Fucks with the set and the player.
ROBERT DOWNEY JR. (30's) walks out of the kitchen.
ROBERT
You know you're going to have to get over
this bull shit, right?
LAWRENCE
Robert Downey Jr.?
Robert Downey Jr. sits down on Lawrence's newly aquired
couch. Sub sandwich in hand. Mows down on it.
ROBERT
Yeah. It's me. Just, stop fucking with
the TV and talk to me about this for a
second.
LAWRENCE
About what? Are you eatting my sandwich?
ROBERT
Your girlfriend. The actress.
Lawrence slowly walks over and sits in the easy chair.
LAWRENCE
Okay.
ROBERT
It's simple. I mean, from an outsiders
perspective it's all about conscious
realization of your own lack of control.
Someone's got to tell you. I'll tell you
cause I'm here.
LAWRENCE
Robert...Mr. Downey Jr. I don't think
there's anything I can do about this. I
mean, she's going to get a part, one day,
that will require her to kiss someone
else.
ROBERT
I know. Crazy fucking profession,
performance. No other in the world where
making out is part of the job
description.
LAWRENCE
Except.
ROBERT
Except one. Yes yes. Fine fine. We're
thinking the same thing. I'm not
actually Robert Downey Jr. I'm just you.
But... I...Am. Able to help. Let me
help.
LAWRENCE
The way I see it. I've got two avenues.
Either I tell her to never act with
kissing. Which will lead to her not
acting, or I break up with her and date a
girl who doesn't have this problem.
ROBERT
Fuck.
Lawrence waits.
ROBERT (CONT'D)
Is this white bread? I can't have white
bread. It's on the don't-list.
He puts down the sandwich. Pulls out a small zip kit.
ROBERT (CONT'D)
Okay, no, there's a third. Get over it.
Let me tell you something about being an
actor. Wait, have you acted in anything?
LAWRENCE
No.
ROBERT
Okay, then you should hear this. It's
really...um, easy to grasp when...once
you've done it. Been on the other side.
Robert Downey Jr. pulls out a bag of coke, a small
mirror, a short straw and a thick razor blade.
ROBERT (CONT'D)
Do one?
LAWRENCE
Uh, sure.
ROBERT
Okay. Simple. One two three. When you
kiss someone in a movie. It's always
weird. I know I can say that and
whatever, you don't believe it but
imagine this. You see this pretty girl
at work. What do you do?
LAWRENCE
Web pages, from home.
ROBERT
Oh, well...in a coffee shop. Someone
approaches you and says, I'll let you be
who you want to be if you kiss this cute
girl. You do it right?
Robert snorts a line. Then another. Hands the straw to
Lawrence.
LAWRENCE
I don't know. I mean, that's really
vague.
ROBERT
Not the point. Not the point.
LAWRENCE
Okay fine, I do it.
ROBERT
You've kissed girls then right?
Lawrence looks at him like he's high. Does half a line.
ROBERT (CONT'D)
Right. Well the first kiss is stupid and
shity usually and guess what. If it's
with someone you're not even interested
in, and believe me, if you talked to the
cute girl in the coffee shop you wouldn't
be. She's trite and snide and not your
type. Now multiply that by guy-actor and
you'll see exactly how interested your
girlfriend's gonna be. So you have to do
it a few times to get it to look good for
the person who asked you to do it, but
the whole time you're not even thinking
about, like, this girl, you're thinking
about the opportunity to be doing what
you've always wanted to do. I don't
know. I lost my train of thought with
the analogy. But you understand. It
sucks kissing someone you aren't
attracted to. Especially if you know
them and know what a creep they are.
Lawrence does another line.
LAWRENCE
Yeah but then why does the creep get to
kiss my sweet girlfriend?
ROBERT
Cause he got the part man.
LAWRENCE
Yeah but she's mine. He doesn't
deserve...
ROBERT
Oh ooohhh! She's yours, well, I didn't
realize.
He starts to put his kit away, cleans the mirror with a
finger and rubs it on his gums.
LAWRENCE
You know what I mean... He shouldn't.
ROBERT
No, I don't. She's hers. Yeah, fun and
games. People are possessive. You're
possessive. But she's hers. And she
wants to be with you and that's saying a
lot...about you.
Robert Downey Jr. gets up to walk out.
LAWRENCE
But wait! You're the only actor I know.
I need to ask you more questions.
ROBERT
(sighs, sits)
Fine. What?
LAWRENCE
What if I just went and kissed someone
every time she kissed someone on screen.
That might make me feel better.
ROBERT
Would it be someone you wanted to kiss?
LAWRENCE
Yeah, I donno.
ROBERT
Then it's not the same. You have to kiss
who the director chooses. And now you
have to kiss them or you're fired. Again
and again until the director says it's
cool. And she can be anybody. Even me.
You could have to kiss a boy.
LAWRENCE
Jesus. Fine, bad idea.
ROBERT
Welcome to acting, asshole! Take a seat.
You're better off trying to write that
script with the real human whatever. We
need more of those. We meaning the
humans. Because whatever film is now,
it's not as important as you and Cecily
think it is. And no one thinks so.
No one takes it seriously and no one
cares as much as the poor distraught kid
sitting up at one in the morning writing
about his insecurities.
Robert Downey Jr. turns to leave.
ROBERT (CONT'D)
And another thing. This is pivotal.
Whatever she does. Now listen. Whatever
roles and script and material she gets
excited about. Be excited with her.
Like here, in your heart. Because she's
a smart girl and she knows when a scene
is bull shit. But you saw what she did
this weekend. With all that garbage and
who she had to work with. She brought
respect to her character. And that's a
fucking talent. If the writer can't do
it, she will. So respect her. Don't make
her feel bad. No one deserves to feel
bad for doing what they've always wanted
to do.
He leaves. Lawrence thinks.
INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT
Lawrence walks into the dark bedroom. Cecily sleeps.
LAWRENCE (V.O.)
We had this fight, before I came out here
and has this conversation with Robert
Downey Jr. of all people. It wasn't a
fight, because a fight involves two
people who don't understand each other.
She understood perfectly. I just wanted
to feel sorry for myself. I just wanted
to make her feel sorry for me. Maybe.
Maybe I just felt like getting it off my
chest.
He crawls into bed. Snuggles up to her. She makes a
little sound.
He kisses her back and buries his nose between her
shoulder blades.
LAWRENCE (CONT'D)
Didn't help.
FADE TO BLACK:
Thursday, October 19, 2006
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